sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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