I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
