so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
