As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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