I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
no you cant smoke seaweed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
