I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
not ubering you a puppy
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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