i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
