I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
