So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
