Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
