Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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