For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
pray to the hookup gods
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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