My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
