Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
