She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
