That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
