i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and she was petting her beer can
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
