textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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