I feel like I'm in dance class right now
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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