i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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