She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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