I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
one might say we're banned from that church
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
