thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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