dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
