Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
