Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
