I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
