Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
