New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My vagina just clenched in fear
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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