I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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