we have officially lost it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
