**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
