I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
