the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
