Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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