He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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