apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
