The best revenge is premature balding
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
