It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize