it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
