party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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