i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.