Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown