I am in a vortex of obligation.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose