I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.