Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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