If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
