Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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