Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
