Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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