I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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