I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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