Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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