thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
