Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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