I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
