Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
