I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
