The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm having to shit out rocks
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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