Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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