did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
