You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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